My Little Pony - Spongebob is Magic
by Jorgamoundr
Summary: Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Derpy embark upon a whimsical adventure to Bikini Bottom to frolic in the meadows of Jellyfish Fields. What follows is a wondrous tale of courage, commitment, tragedy and friendship. WARNING: Contains strong language and violence.
1. Chapter 1 - Fun between friends

**My Little Pony: Spongebob is magic**

Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash were following Derpy, trying to stay out of sight. They weren't doing a very good job, mostly because they could hardly stop laughing, but it didn't really matter because Derpy is retarded. Suddenly, a swirling portal opened up before them! Derpy jumped back, tripping over her own hoofs and falling flat on her face. Fluttershy hardly noticed there was a portal to another dimension because she was to busy laughing at a poor retarded pony.

"Holy fucking shit!", exclaimed Rainbow Dash over the sound of Fluttershy's horrendous laughter.

Derpy leapt to her unstable feet and wondered over to examine the portal.

"Oh wow...this is so...cool!", said Derpy, her eyes threatening to overspill her face as they met in the middle.

"You mean the portal to another dimension or the fact that you shat yourself you fucking incontinent mong?", asked Fluttershy.

Derpy rubbed her face with her hoof as she considered this. "Err...The second one!", she said, sounding altogether unconvinced.

"Shut the fuck up you two. I'm the boss here, and I say we jump in and see what happens!", screamed Rainbow Dash. Fluttershy rolled her eyes.

"Of course we're going to jump in you cunt. But, just in case...", Fluttershy said as she turned to Derpy, a warm smile appearing on her face as she viciously headbutted her. She laughed maniacally as Derpy stumbled around for a second before falling into the portal. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash followed as soon as they'd finished high-fiving.

On the other side of the portal in Jellyfish fields Spongebob, Patrick and Squidward had gathered a small distance away. They looked on in curious fascination as one shit smeared pony and her two "friends" fell through the vortex, shit flowing like an aura through the ocean briefly before dissipating. Squidward tentacle-palmed as Spongebob and Patrick let out a squeal of ecstatic delight and ran towards the magical ponies, who could breathe underwater because they're magic or some shit. Squidward rolled has eyes and ran after them.

Patrick reached the ponies first, coming to a stop before Rainbow Dash, his trusty pet rock in hand. "Hey ponies! This is my pet rock!", he said.

Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash shared a brief look, as if to say, holy crap we found a friend for Derpy, who was struggling to get to her hoofs behind them. Rainbow Dash barely had a chance to turn her head back to Patrick before his trusty pet rock crashed into the side of her jaw, unhinging it and sending her sprawling as a spray of blood flew shot from her mouth to drift through the water before disappearing entirely. Patrick jumped onto his foe and began laying into her, smashing her face over and over with the rock which now had one side coated in the blood of his enemy.

"No! Rocky, stop it!", he yelled, a grim look of determination on his face as the rock crushed Rainbow Dash's eye socket. The other ponies looked on in horror as Rainbow's face was smashed more and more into disfigurement. Fluttershy was the first to react, tensing her strong legs as she prepared to leap to the rescue of her friend.

She leapt. However, as she soared through the ocean towards Patrick Spongebob intercepted her mid leap, crashing into her as they both flew through the water, narrowly missing the portal and flying straight past it to roll across the ocean floor. Spongebob was the first to break off, getting to his feet to confront his rival. Fluttershy leapt to her feet and squared off to Spongebob, the pair circling as they sized one another up. Fluttershy made the first move. She pawed the ground with her hoof and then charged, stopping at the last second and turning as she threw her back legs in to the air to deliver a powerful kick to Spongebob. Little did she know that Spongebob was a master of Karate. He ducked back, deftly avoiding the kick. As her hoofs came back to the ground he stepped in, delivering a powerful kick to her knee as her leg straightened out. Fluttershy screamed in agony as her leg snapped, the bone piercing the skin.

Derpy was watching all of this and it finally clicked that she should help her friend and occasional tormentor. She pawed at the ground, eyes meeting in the middle of her face, ready to charge to the rescue. Suddenly she collapsed onto her knees, her eyes darting down to her throat. She couldn't breath. She couldn't understand why. She stayed upright for an instant after Squidward pulled the his clarinet from her throat, blood pumping into the water around her, before he put his foot to the back of her head and kicked her forwards to die. He wrapped the his shirt around the end of his blood-stained instrument and pulled it through, wiping the blood onto his shirt. He turned to check on Patrick, smiling to himself. Rainbow's legs twitched violently every time Patrick brought the rock down on Rainbow's head, now a gory mess of crushed bone and brains. Squidward walked over and placed a tentacle upon Patrick's shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"You can stop now, Patrick. It's over."

Patrick's hand stopped mid-swing as he turned to face his friend. His face broke into a grin of ecstasy as he got to his feet and slid his pet rock into his pocket. They walked past the gateway to check up on Spongebob. They watched on as Fluttershy's legs kicked across the seabed. Despite her injuries Fluttershy was able to carry on. Spongebob inevitably overpowered her and now his thumbs were buried deep in her eye sockets as he gouged them out. Her screams had stopped and it was only a few moments more before her futile kicking had also stopped. There was a sick squelching noise as Spongebob pulled his thumbs from her mush filled sockets, the same dumb smile he'd worn all his life plastered to his face as his friends walked towards him.

"Well guys, we did it! We saved Bikini Bottom!", Spongebob cheered.

"Hurray!", Patrick put in.

"Hey guys, we're not out of the woods yet," exclaimed Squidward. "That portal's still up. We have to go back to the town and warn everybody."

And so our heroes set off, to warn their friends and to formulate a plan to stop the tide of evil that was invading their realm.


	2. Chapter 2 - A cunning disguise

**My Little Pony: Spongebob is Magic**

**Chapter 2**

On the edge of Ponyville there was a portal, the kind that swirls around and around like a hypnotic whirlpool. A black whirlpool. The portal was black, I suppose.

Anyway, a few feet away from this portal there was a pony. This pony had three best friends that she hadn't seen since the portal appeared. She considered herself to be quite clever, so she had put two and two together. Unfortunately, she'd gotten five and spent the last few days looking for her friends in completely the wrong place, but finally she proved that she wasn't a _complete_ and utter cunt by making her way to the mysterious portal. This time, she got six. The vortex inside the portal just helped her think. So, there she was, trying (in vain) to think, to figure out where her friends could possibly be, when Twilight Sparkle came sliding down the hill to find her (the portal was at the bottom of the hill).

'Hey, Apple Bloom, what're you doing here? You know we're not suppose to be by the portal. It could be dangerous!' exclaimed Twilight Sparkle.

'I'm trying to figure out what happened to the incontinent and her two friends.'

'Who gives a fuck?' she asked politely. 'My cactus still smells of shit and fish.'

Apple Bloom scrapped her hoof against her head. 'Yeah, sorry about that.'

'That was you?! What the fuck is wro-'

'Hey, shut up,' she interrupted. 'Can you hear that?'

Twilight Sparkle shut up. She could hear it. The sound of incessant giggling, coming straight from the portal.

The two ponies moved closer towards the portal. It flashed brightly, so suddenly that the pair had to shut their eyes.

'Fucking cum stain!' Twilight Sparkle yelled out in pain as she stumbled backwards, blood trickling down from her forehead as Apple Bloom turned to help her. 'Something hit me!'

The two ponies looked down in horror as they realised what had come through the portal. A severed ponies head, empty eye sockets gazing up at them.

More giggling. The ponies turned to face the portal again, bracing themselves, ready to turn and run. Another bright flash. A wet thwack. Apple Bloom opened her eyes, turned, expecting to find another head. Twilight Sparkle was on the floor, a dent in her head, her skull poking up through her skin and a line of blood running from each ear. Next to her head was a brain-stained rock. She flicked over the rock with her hoof. On the clean side there was a single word, written in green crayon. 'Rocky'.

Behind her, the portal flashed a final time. Apple Bloom swallowed hard, piss and shit exploding across the floor behind her. She had already managed to turn, to run, but now found herself to terrified to move. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a pink slab reach down for the rock and picked it up. It occurred to her the pink, point-shaped slab was a hand of some sort. She tensed her legs, breaking free of her fearful paralysis, ready to spring forward, to warn the village. She barely made it a foot before something sharp sunk into her spine. Her lifeless body carried on a few steps before ploughing into the ground so fast it ripped the grass from the ground in a spray of mud.

'Oh...My...GOD!' exclaimed a high-pitched voice. 'It's so beautiful here! Don't you think Squidward?'

'I dunno,' he replied, frowning as he ran his tentacle through his imaginary head of hair and stared at the bright blue, rainbow-filled sky. 'It seems pretty fucking grim to me.'

Patrick cantered over and picked up Rocky, licking him before slipping him into his pocket. 'What now Squidward?'

Squidward took a moment to think about it. He wasn't sure how he felt about being in charge of 's little mission. On the one hand, it was a position of authority, and he liked to feel important. He was, after all, the most intelligent critter in Bikini Bottom (not to mention the most deadly). On the other hand, he had to put up with Patrick and Spongebob. Then again, he thought as he looked down at the crushed skull atop the corpse of Twilight Sparkle, that might not be so bad. He sighed as he considered the options. 'Pat, you and Rocky stay here and guard the portal. Spongebob and I will sneak into Landseahorseville.'

Spongebob brought his hand to his chin. "But Squiddy, how will we get in without getting noticed?'

Squidward grinned. 'Easy...', he said as he got to three knees and began to skin Apple Bloom using his clarinet. 'We just need a disguise!'

'Hurray!', Patrick and Spongebob yelled it in unison. And so our heroes quest to save Bikini Bottom was underway, and had gotten off to a good start under the leadership of Squidward the Brave. What peril awaits them? Find out, on the next exciting chapter of 'Spongebob is Magic'!


	3. Chapter 3 - Techniiiiiique!

**My Little Pony: Spongebob is Magic**

**Chapter 3**

Squidward pressed his hoof against his forehead, trying to wipe it through his disguise. It was hot in his suit. He and Spongebob had arrived in the town to find dozens of ponies heading towards the hall, so there they were, sitting at the back, trying to look inconspicuous. Squidward couldn't give less of a fuck what they were talking about, so he sat quietly and churned the day over so far, trying to suss out his enemy. It really was quite astounding that they'd made it to this point without being caught, or even suspected. First off, he thought, there was the fact that their disguises were still leaking blood. Then there was the fact that all these landseahorses walked on four legs while they walked on two, but nobody had even blinked twice at them. The feet of SpongeBob's disguise had been ripped open where he had forced his shoes through too hard, and his long yellow nose poked through the horses nostrils, but nobody had said a thing. Even Patrick wasn't as dumb as these things seemed to be.

He shook himself free of this thoughts and glanced sideways at Spongebob, but couldn't make out his expression through his disguise. Probably smiling like a moron, he thought. He turned to face the front of the hall where a bright yellow monstrosity was addressing the room. "Do we really need to look for Derpy?" she was saying, one eyebrow raised. "Last time she I had her over she shat in my fish tank, ate my bed sheets and defiled all my watermelon."

"Yeah, my cactus still doesn't smell right!" came a voice from the crowd, followed shortly by a chorus of frustrated agreements.

"Yes, yes, mine either, but we haven't seen Flutterslut or Rainbow-Rash either."

"So?"

"So my vibrator takes batteries, which are fucking expensive in this town!"

A heated debate erupted throughout the town hall for what seemed like a long time before it was eventually decided that Applejack had the longest tongue and so nobody really cared where Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash were either.

"So, we're agreed? We can just forget those three cunts ever existed? Great, I don't have to waste half a day pretending to look for them."

As the crowd moved on to more pressing Pony matters, such as who could fit the biggest watermelon in their arse, Squidward stealthily made his way out of the hall whilst Spongebob screamed at the top of his lungs and sprinted through and out the door, knocking six ponies over during his exit. Nobody noticed.

Once they were outside they checked to make sure nobody was within earshot.

"Did you hear that Squidward?!", Spongebob whispered frantically, eyes brimming with tears.

After a pause, Squidward nodded. "I heard."

"What are we going to do Squidward? You heard them, they're coming for revenge! They're not through with Bikini Bottom!", Spongebob sobbed.

"Shh Spongebob, it's okay. They're not going to, because we're not going to let them." He lay a tentacle on the corner of Spongebob's square torso. "Wait here, I'll be right back."

Spongebob nodded. It wasn't long before Squidward was back, dragging a gurgling, throat-slit pony across the floor by its disgusting hoofs. "There's only one entrance to this place Spongebob, and the whole building is made of wood. I assume you have your bubbles with you?" he asked, jamming the (almost) lifeless corpse through the handles on the entrance to the door. He gave it a few test-pulls to satisfy himself that it would stay shut.

'Of course, Squidward, you're a genius!' Spongebob exclaimed as understanding dawned on him.

'I'll never know how you can use bubbles like this...'

'Aww, Squiddy, it's all in the techn-'

'Technique, yes, shut the fu-no, don't do the moves just fucking get on with it.'

Spongebob nodded and brought the bubble ring to his lips. He started to blow. Like a baby squeezing out it's mother's arse, the bubble blew through the ring into the shape of a slab of wood. Spongebob grinned his silly grin and grabbed onto the bottom of the bubble-wood, the top of which promptly caught fire, turning the wood into a torch. He laughed incessantly as he torched the hall, which promptly lit up. The two heroes stood in silence and watched as the hall burned. They didn't say a word - even if they did, they probably wouldn't have heard each other for the dying screams of agony coming from the hall. Before long Squidward gave Spongebob a nod and motioned for to move off - their mission was accomplished, and they needed to move off before any more ponies arrived at the scene. They made their way back to the portal.

Spongebob gasped as he came to the top of the hill and took in the scene before them. Patrick lay a short distance from the portal, flat on his back and surrounded by dead ponies. Spongebob began to wail and began flailing his arms as he ran down the hill to Patricks side, stepping over a disembowelled Pony as they went. Squidward helped him up while Spongebob sobbed and fussed over him. He took a second to look around - he counted twelve dead ponies.

'Knock it off Spongebob, he's trying to say something,' he whispered as he took Patrick's hand in his and leaned in to hear him.

'Rock...eeee...'

Squidward swallowed hard. 'What was that, Pat?'

'They took...Rocky...'

And so, the diabolical Ponies have defeated Patrick and kidnapped Rocky in an effort to secure the portal - their route to invade Bikini Bottom. What will our three heroes do? Will they save Rocky or will Bikini Bottom be doomed? Find out, on the next exciting episode of Drag-I mean Spongebob is Magic!


End file.
